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Where to Begin...?
Mar. 1st, 2019 10:36 amI never know how to start these things out.
All I know is that I'm in pain and I feel sick-at-heart; I know I need some place to vent. Somewhere that feels relatively safe. Facebook and Twitter are no good. I feel like I'm yelling in a room full of people who supposedly know and love me, only to get nothing in return. I can't vent to friends, because half of them have anxiety / depression, so adding my problems only compounds theirs. The other half don't really understand me or my conditions, so they make me feel like a malingering whiner.
I struggle daily with plastering a happy smile on my face or at least an apathetic one. Anything to make it seem like I'm not about to break down crying from pain and frustration. I feel alone, even when I'm surrounded by friends and family who say they understand and they care. Why? Because they really don't. They don't understand. They can't understand.
Normal people can never understand what it's like to live in pain 24/7. It's unfathomable. I've heard it a hundred times before now. "No one could deal with that much pain and be sane." Well, I can and I do, on a daily basis.
But I hate that feeling of facing it alone.
All I know is that I'm in pain and I feel sick-at-heart; I know I need some place to vent. Somewhere that feels relatively safe. Facebook and Twitter are no good. I feel like I'm yelling in a room full of people who supposedly know and love me, only to get nothing in return. I can't vent to friends, because half of them have anxiety / depression, so adding my problems only compounds theirs. The other half don't really understand me or my conditions, so they make me feel like a malingering whiner.
I struggle daily with plastering a happy smile on my face or at least an apathetic one. Anything to make it seem like I'm not about to break down crying from pain and frustration. I feel alone, even when I'm surrounded by friends and family who say they understand and they care. Why? Because they really don't. They don't understand. They can't understand.
Normal people can never understand what it's like to live in pain 24/7. It's unfathomable. I've heard it a hundred times before now. "No one could deal with that much pain and be sane." Well, I can and I do, on a daily basis.
But I hate that feeling of facing it alone.
